(Please Read Eccentric: Part 1, find here)
I do not understand where should I begin, today I have lots to say words that you had right to hear and never could I know I am your culprit all I could give in my life to you was suffering. Standing at the edge of cliff and staring at the gushing water I see my end and beginning of your true life, a life that would be much better with the sole elopement of my life.
Before this letter shall reach you you shall find me no more, I want you to promise me that once you have read this letter you shall bear no suffering and aches of mine. I want you to wipe me and my memories out and live your life the way you always did before me. I want you to be happy after I go. I want you to be smiling and playing with grand kids at the age of 60 and not faintly remember me, for your happiness is what has allowed me to forsake all that I could possess and abandon the world. I do not bear any moral duties to the world not even to the ones who obstinately brought me in this poor world. They had forsaken my life before I could recognize them and in return I had forsaken them and the world they resided in. I owe you and bear moral responsibility towards my life, I can't escape you anymore neither can accept you. I was the one who always allowed those glittery precious diamonds roll out on your cheeks and never stretched my palm to feel the warmth of it. I lurked and burned inside to see you that way but if only I could say how much those tears evoked the shame inside me.
If only I could say I miss you the way you did.
If only I could say what lies beneath the way you signaled it in your eyes.
If only I could say how much my heart yearned for your gaze every moment.
If only I could say how my each day began with your name and ended in the utterance of your name.
If only I could say how your face lurks on to my mind each time I close my eyes.
If only I could say how every word uttered by you made sense than the rest of of the world.
If only I could say that just hearing your voice is an eternal bliss to my soul.
If only I could say the songs that you sung by me were the only beautiful songs I had ever heard.
If only I could say that my whole life was dedicated to a mere smile of yours.
If only I could say how the presence of your faint shadow made me blaze.
If only I could say that how do those rain drops pierce like knife into my skin when you are not around.
If only I could say the world only began to exist when you came up into my life.
If only I could say the places you drove me were the only places I found abode.If only I could say how your first stare took me deep into the rivers of my heart.
If only I could say how your first touch made me drool into you.
If only I could say how your first kiss pulled out life back into me.
If only I could say how the warmth of your body me feel that I was home.
If only I could say how my mind drifted into the memories of how you looked the last time I saw you.
If only I could say that my world had fallen apart with the thoughts of losing you forever.
If only I could say I love you, loved you and will love you.
All that I had always been was because of you, you were the only family I had you were a mother, father and child to me. Your presence dictated solace, solitude and purpose to my life and now your absence leaves my life with no purpose. I shall always be with you no matter what, but my presence isn't the one that is worth you.